Disciplining children can be extremely difficult and sometimes even confusing. Should you talk politely? Should you be aggressive in your approach? Is punishing your child the key to discipline or is it okay to let some things pass? As much as parents love their kids, they’re as dedicated to raising well-mannered and obedient children. But in wanting so, they sometimes tend to become aggressive and almost bullying. Even though it's unintentional, it may harm a child’s psyche and affect their developing years. Therefore, it is important to identify the characteristics or signs of aggressive parenting and opt for gentle alternatives. Speaking with the OnlyMyHealth team, Dr Puja Kapoor, Paediatric Neurologist and Co-founder of Continua kids, shares useful insights.
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How To Identify Bullying/Aggressive Parenting
Bullying parenting is a type of parenting style where parents use physical and emotional force to get their children to listen.
Dr Kapoor said, "Bullying style of parenting tends to have a one-way mode of communication where the parent establishes strict guidelines on every aspect of the child's life, which they have to obey. There is little to no room for negotiations from the child, and the rules are not usually explained."
She added, "The parents expect their children to maintain these standards while making no errors, even though things have not been explained in a congenial way. If the child makes mistakes, it leads to punishment. Bullying parents are normally less nurturing and have high expectations with limited flexibility."
Signs Of A Bullying Parent
There are visible or subtle signs of a bullying parent, which include:
- Using physical violence to discipline
- Punishment is a disciplining tool
- The usage of threat, insult, and humiliation
- Guilt-tripping your child
- Not taking your child's emotions into consideration
- Setting high and unrealistic expectations
- Limited flexibility
- Aiming from perfection and leaving no room for mistakes
How Aggressive Parenting Affects Children
According to Dr Kapoor, children that grow up with bullying parents are usually the most well-behaved because they are afraid of consequences of misbehaving, but lack the abstract thought process.
“They will stick to the instructions, but do not have any imagination,” she added.
In addition, she notes that this parenting style also results in children who have higher levels of aggression but may also be shy, socially inept, and unable to make their own decisions. They may have difficulty managing their aggression and anger, lack self-esteem, which further reinforces their inability to make decisions.
Being Aggressive Is Not The Key To Discipline
Dr Kapoor warns against the use of aggression and bullying tactics. She is of the opinion that parenting does not require aggression, rather it requires patience and understanding of the child psychology.
“Parents who bully have children with low self esteem, with fear of failing. They have no imaginative skills and they just know how to follow commands, due to fear of punishment. If the parent will listen to the child, and would involve him/her in the decisions of the everyday chores, there would be more attachment with the parent and also the child would be a confident decision maker, later in life,” she explained.
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Alternative Parenting Measures
There are many different types of parenting styles that you can resort to. However, authoritative parenting style is said to be the most effective of them all.
It is the type of parenting style in which the parent develops a “close, nurturing relationship with their children,” shared Dr Kapoor. “They have clear guidelines for their expectations and explain the reasons associated with disciplinary actions,” she adds,
Moreover, in this style of parenting, parents allow children to have a say about their goals and expectations, and they listen to their kids with patience, indicating a healthy communication network between them.
A study published in the Journal PLOS ONE also found that authoritative parenting was associated with "better academic achievement and higher self-efficacy and intention."
"Adolescents who perceive their parents as authoritative are more likely to develop high efficacy beliefs and higher intention and subsequently are more likely to achieve better in school compared to peers of neglectful parents," the study added.
Bottomline
Parenting is definitely not a piece of cake. It comes with its own set of challenges and difficulties. As a parent, if you seek to discipline your child, it can get all the more complicated. However, aggression and punishment are never the answer. While it may take some time, children understand the language of love and patience, which is why burdening them with high expectations and leaving no room for communication can harm them tremendously. Therefore, you must ensure that you’re gentle with them and look after them overall well-being.
