Bullying in all its forms, whether physical, verbal, racial, sexual, and cyberbullying, is a crime. There is no justification for it, even though there may be reasons why someone becomes a bully in the first place. As parents, it is not just your duty to save and support your child, who may be getting bullied or pushed around, rather it is as much your duty to hold your child accountable if they are the perpetrator themselves. Finding out your child is a bully can be devastating, but you must take the right steps to teach them kindness, compassion, and empathy, without harming them self-worth and confidence.
In an interaction with the OnlyMyHealth team, Dr Puja Kapoor, Paediatric Neurologist and Co-founder of Continua kids, sheds light on why a bully does what he or she does and what parents can do about it.
Also Read: How To Know If Your Child Is Stressed: Identify THESE Red Flags
The Psychology Of A Bully
Bullying is a repeated and intentional act of harming others with words, violence, and discriminatory actions. It can be physical, verbal and/or sexual among other things. The act of bullying usually occurs when a person feels they have more power than the people who they oppress and think they can oppress.
Explaining the psychology behind a bully, why he or she does what they do, Dr Kapoor lists seven reasons to why it happens:
- People who bully are bullied themselves at one point of time in their life. Being bullied has a lasting effect and makes them feel inferior, resulting in them to hurt others in the same way.
- Jealousy of others’ success can lead to bullying. It is a strong emotion which leads to bullying.
- Unstable/ Broken families can lead to bullying. They learn this way of life through their families. Children do what they observe.
- Bullying can be a way to deal with depression or stress. It is a way of letting their negative feelings let out.
- At times, bullying could be a way to look for attention and validation.
- Pathological condition of Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) can result in bullying. ODD is a childhood mental condition that is characterised by frequent and ongoing patterns of anger, irritability, arguing and defiance toward parents and other authority figures, according to the Mayo Clinic.
- Last, but not the least, bullying could be just for fun too.
Warning Signs Your Child Is A Bully
Here are some of the red flags parents should note in a child:
If he or she always wants to lead the group: Dr Kapoor says, “Observe the reaction of other children when they are around your child. If the child’s friends are always eager to impress him/her or your child always wants to be the leader of the group, then it needs to be investigated.”
Child is always involved in a conflict: Parents should look for signs of physical torn clothes, bruises, loss of empathy, dominant nature, advises the doctor.
Child is blocked online by his friends: If you have access to your child’s internet profile, see if they’re removed or blocked from their friend’s profile.
Also Read: How NOT To Turn Your Child Into A People Pleaser
Steps Parents Should Take
In case you’re made aware of your child’s actions or find out that your child is a bully, here is how you can approach it.
- Accept the evidence and acknowledge that your child is a bully
- Do not show anger or have an emotional outburst, instead, discuss the situation with a cool and unbiased approach
- Work towards helping your child achieve emotional well being and provide an environment that nurtures empathy and respect, rather than opposition and defiance.
- Teach better coping skills for his emotions
- Check the household behaviour among family members; children imbibe what they see, rather than follow, what they are being told
- Punish them, but in a meaningful and motivational way; harsh punishments do not lead anywhere
- Monitor and reassess the situation
Conclusion
Bullying is not something people learn at birth. It is developed over a course of time and due to several factors. While there is no justification for it, understanding why a person does what he or she does can help them take a step back and alter their behaviour. Children are fast learners. If you show them kindness and empathy, they’ll develop the same characteristics. On the contrary, if they’re subjected to harsh punishments, violence, and verbal abuse, they may take the wrong course. Bullying children should be held accountable, but they should not be shunned, rather nurtured towards a right path.
