Emotional compatibility is the glue that holds partners together in a healthy relationship. Although matters of emotions have only gained prevalence in the past decade, it was silently weaving its magic through all happy relationships.
However, it's irrational to think that emotional compatibility is something you can easily find in a partner since no two people have the same emotional requirements or capacity. This compatibility is built over time through emotional availability and consideration. To learn a few tips on how we can be more emotionally available in our relationships, the team of OnlyMyHealth spoke to Shivani R Rawal, Counselling Psychologist, Dr Indu’s New Born and Childcare Centre.
Why Is It Difficult To Be Emotionally Available?
The extent to which we allow ourselves to feel, or express how we feel, is deeply conditioned within us from the moment we are born. “Often finding emotional intimacy challenging is not because of behaviours of our significant others, but from covert threats within us,” commenced Dr Rawal as she listed:
- Low Self-Esteem: If someone strongly believes that their authentic or true selves are unworthy or undeserving of love, it can be hard to imagine that someone else would desire closeness with them.
- Fear Of Rejection Or Abandonment: If a person has been rejected or abandoned in the past, opening up to someone on a deeper emotional level once more can be a challenge.
- Trust Issues: Chronic distrust impacts how a person view themselves or their relationships, making it difficult for one to fully open up and express vulnerabilities.
- Childhood Trauma: An adult who has been neglected as a child or has had parents who were emotionally unavailable may become very independent or distant.
- Personality Disorder: People with personality disorders behave and think differently from what society expects, making it hard for them to develop close relationships.
Negative Effects Of An Emotionally Withdrawn Partner
“Relationships involve mutual participation and shared responsibility. Occasionally, one person gives more than the other, but for a healthy relationship to thrive, regular give and take is a must,” expressed Dr Rawal.
A study published in the International Association of Relationship Research (IARR) found that being subjected to a partner who is emotionally withdrawn is directly proportional to the risk of depression.
“A level of emotional investment is essential to maintain healthy relationships. When someone is emotionally unavailable or distant, unable to identify their own feelings or those of their partner, it not only leaves their significant other feeling lonely, isolated, unheard, and unsupported, but it may also instil self-doubt, causing them to question themselves and feel like they are being perceived as dramatic or immature,” added Dr Rawal.
However, the same IARR study also asserted that the risk of depression also increases with an emotionally demanding partner.
Tips To Be More Emotionally Available In Your Relationships
Dr Rawal suggested, “To help relationships flourish, it is important to understand how to foster a deep emotional connection.” Sharing some practical strategies to nourish and enhance emotional intimacy, she listed:
- Open Communication: Make it a weekly, fortnightly or monthly practice to discuss feelings, thoughts, fears and dreams. Learn to share your needs in a way that is honest and clear.
- Active Listening: Effective listening involves complete engagement and presence, free from distractions. Showing your partner that you genuinely care about their feelings and perspective is crucial. Ask open-ended questions to demonstrate your interest in the conversation.
- Quality Time: Prioritise doing activities that both of you enjoy. This can help you gain insight and enhance your understanding of each other as an individual, ultimately fostering increased intimacy.
- Practice Empathy: Be there for your partner in challenging times by understanding their struggles and providing comfort instead of coming up with solutions and invalidating their feelings.
- Physical Intimacy: Physical gestures of affection and safety like hugs, cuddles, holding hands, and kisses foster a sense of closeness and affection that compliments and enhances emotional intimacy.
Dr Rawal concluded that these strategies do offer simplified approaches to enhance emotional intimacy, and exploring the reasons behind your relationship’s emotional incompatibility with a therapist or mental health professional might be essential in some cases. Addressing the root of your fear of emotional intimacy and gaining a deeper understanding might just save your relationship.
